Motherhood, Comparison, and Finding Joy in Your Financial Journey

Mother’s Day is often wrapped in flowery words and heartfelt accolades for the love and sacrifices made over the years. I’m fortunate to spend every day surrounded by my two girls, who constantly remind me how lucky I am to be their mom—even after an Easter Sunday morning filled with tears, raised voices, and absolutely no shiny pastel family pictures. But that’s a story for another time.

Each passing year reminds me that my motherhood experience is different from others. It has been shaped by remarkable women in my life, along with my decision to work outside the home.

During my college years and early twenties, I was not sure that motherhood was for me. I saw myself following in the footsteps of my Aunt Shirley, (pictured to the right: me, my mother, Aunt Shirley, and my nana) who loved me as if I were her own. With a mom as amazing as mine, I imagined my sister would have kids and be just as loving, kind, and gentle. And I would be like my aunt—child-free but devoted, pouring all my love into nieces and nephews as if they were my own.

But everything changed after I met Neil. I realized I wanted to build a life—and a family—with him. Two years after we were married, we welcomed our daughter Grace, whose name could not be more fitting. Still, motherhood wasn’t quite what I expected. It wasn’t always what I saw or heard from others. It took five more years before I was ready to become a mom again. And now that Amelia is here, we couldn’t imagine life without the perfectly wonderful chaos she has brought to our family.

I recently came across a quote that I wish I would have had during my earlier years (although I will lean heavily into it during this next decade of living with teenage girls).

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt

TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, and reality TV often portray either idealized versions of motherhood or dramatized scenarios that are not realistic. It’s easy to second-guess myself—wondering why I don’t feed my kids the latest trendy foods, buy the most popular toys, or sign them up for every activity. I could easily lose all joy in motherhood by constantly comparing my experience to others, even to friends just down the street.

Sound familiar?

Clients sometimes ask, “Are we spending the right amount?” or “Are our accounts like others in a similar situation?”

We’re happy to talk about rules of thumb or target account balances—but what truly matters is your personalized experience and goals. Many people faced challenges early in their careers and feel “behind” on savings, but often, they’re exactly where they need to be. Just like with motherhood, we rarely know what’s going on behind the scenes—with neighbors, classmates parents, or even the most polished lives online.

Comparing your financial situation rarely helps, and often creates unnecessary pressure. That’s why we look at your full financial picture and build a plan that fits your unique circumstances.

While I only recently discovered Roosevelt’s quote, I suspect my mom was saying the same thing in her own way during my most challenging early motherhood days. She has always been my cheerleader, confidant, and source of encouragement. She even laughed out loud when I finally told her the full Easter story.

If you’re ready, the team here at RK is ready to be your cheerleader, too—your confidant, your encourager. Let’s not lose joy by comparing, but instead laugh, learn, and smile as you pursue your goals.

Amanda Howerton, CFP® , CDFA® is a Senior Advisor with Rather & Kittrell.